Alexander Sux!

Written by MichaelShepherd. Posted in Reviews

Published on August 25, 2005 with No Comments

Everyone has experienced horrible movies, right? I suppose it varies by personal taste, but now and then you see a real “clunker”. I remember someone at work had told me that Moulin Rouge was their favorite & I had heard on the radio that it was up for Academy Awards and such. At a family gathering, I was sent to rent a video and I foolishly chose that one thinking we were in for a real treat. Twenty minutes into the flick, everyone was like… “What kind of nonsense is this?”

Today, we watched Alexander. I was quite excited to see this as he is one of my favorite characters in history. Some of my fondest quotes derive from his exploits. Sayings like… “When Alexander looked out and surveyed the breadth of his domain, he wept, for he had no more worlds to conquer.”

As I read the list of cast members on the DVD case, I saw names like Anthony Hopkins, Val Kilmer, Angelina Jolie and I’m thinking I’m about to watch an epic production! Boy was I disappointed.

This movie definitely had a homosexual agenda. It was simply “pretty boys” wearing eyeliner running around hugging, kissing on the lips, and exchanging meaningful looks. The whole premise of it was very stupid to me. I can only liken it to a director doing a remake of First Blood & putting Rambo in a dress! I mean seriously, who the heck cast this movie? What were they smoking?

Alexander, the greatest warrior the world has ever known… looked like a Fruity California Surfer Dude and his best friend looked more female than male. In between the gory battles complete with dismemberment, decapitation, impaling, stabbing, hacking & slashing… Alexander and his “best friend” look soulfully into one another’s eyes and profess their undying commitment toward each other. Either that, or Alexander is too busy watching a male concubine dance sexily for him. I’m kidding you not… I almost blew chunks!




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